A recent client was telling me that he was not comfortable with the idea of marriage or commitment. “Look around,” he said, “and take note of the unhappy marriages and high divorce rates.”
Why do some of us have such fear of marriage? We can call it commitment phobia or relationship anxiety but it can really make life more difficult. Is fear of commitment really just about the marital problems we see around us? Actually, no, it is about much more than our troubling surroundings.
Our childhood experiences with love and relationships define our adult expectations of what it would be like to be married. For many of us our families were not sympathetic places. We could not depend on them for concern or sympathy as we faced the difficulties of growing up. So we grew up expecting that the people we loved were not available to show support to us. Though we longed for connection and nurturing it was difficult to trust that it would happen. If we have suffered with relationship anxiety, we have most likely learned this as children . Can other’s be trusted to meet your needs? Can you count on your love to support you emotionally when you are struggling?
The opposite of fear
*I can’t stress enough how important trust is in intimate relationships. It is difficult to let down your guard and show vulnerability if we don’t trust others. Without vulnerability it is difficult to share an emotionally intimate relationship.
We can learn to trust.
How valuable can it be to your happiness to learn that someone can be there for you? Trusting others is the important key in our relationships.