We have nothing in common is a phrase I hear frequently from clients. I get it. Often when we are married in can start to become routine and we do very little together.
Suggestions to our spouse/lover can fall on deaf ears or just not come to fruition.
Our spouse just does NOT seem all that interested. It can be so frustrating. It starts to feel as though what you need is not really important to your significant other.
They don’t think it’s that important. Maybe having a relationship is not that important to them you wonder.
They would rather watch sports/do projects…
What does that mean?
It means it’s time for a conversation of a different sort.
It can really be a challenge to change your tone and mindset, which you may need to do before you begin. It can be worth it because without a change it will probably go the same way it usually goes.
- This is not about him/her, it’s about “US” and “WE”. This is an important distinction because if you start the conversation with “YOU” it will NOT go well. Sound strange?
- 99.9% of the population starts to become defensive when we tell them they are doing something wrong or not doing something we want them to, no matter how nicely we say it. in which case your conversation will most likely spiral down the drain.
- The more angry/accusatory you sound the more it will fall on deaf ears.
- The conversation might be something like “Hey, I miss spending time with just us. Lets plan a fun dinner out tomorrow night. What do you think? How about you make the reservation and I’ll get the sitter.
- This is much different then saying “YOU NEVER do anything with me anymore.”
- I know this is not really what you want. You want him/her to make the effort without you telling them. You want them to want what you want/togetherness.
- It may be that they are REACTING to what they perceive as criticism from you and do keep their distance. This can be changed but is hard to do on your own.