You Can Return to LOVE & Intimacy

 Secrets to adding intimacy and passion to your marriage
What is intimacy really? How do we create it?  Shouldn’t it just come naturally?  Can we reignite our intimacy and passion?

If you have wondered about these questions and have felt like your marriage has become closer to roommates than the passionate relationship you once had, then this article is for you:

*How to deal with a lack of intimacy in your marriage
* What to do when there is no longer that spark
* Can we reignite intimacy?

 The Right Way Verses the Wrong Way

I believe that a love relationship is like a plant, the more you know about the needs and health requirements of this particular plant the better your chances that it will be healthy and thriving. And the opposite is also true, the less you know about the care of this particular plant the less likely that it will thrive and remain happy and healthy.

Why?

Because when it comes to nurturing the special plant there is a right way and a wrong way to make it thrive and knowing the difference could mean life or death for the plant.

Here is what I mean by that

When it comes to the domestic plant it’s important to know that the lack of care and nurturing that go into its health is actually as dangerous as overwatering. The instinctive reaction to add more water to save a dying plant will often kill it.  What this tells us is that in the event that your precious plant may be dying, to react on instinct would be the exact wrong thing to do.  Some similar rules apply when it comes to creating more love and intimacy in your love relationship.

There’s a right way and a wrong way to go about it.  That is why the most dangerous part of a passionless marriage isn’t the lack of intimacy and love itself, rather it’s one’s instinctive reactions to changing this situation that usually end up causing the most damage and pain.  When dealing with this problem there are two roads you could take.

1. React instinctively
2. Go with an active revitalization approach

Instinct Verses Active Learning

If you take the long, painful instinctual path you may end up spending countless hours angry, hurt and caught in a loop of disagreement.  All this time you may hope for a brighter future only to be let down once again.  Tolerating this difficult state is not the same as healing it.  This instinctual path is not the only way to deal with an unhappy marriage.  I would like to help you with another way to return to love and intimacy.

Rather than taking the unhappy instinctual road I would like to help you go for the active learning path.  Where instead of spending your time suffering or arguing you spend your time learning to rebuild the intimacy and love you once had.

My Approach to a return to love and Intimacy

While I agree that love relationships are natural and normal I also know that they can become very damaged and can be very difficult to mend.    For this reason I recommend the active learning approach, because the learning approach can help you and your partner stop the damage you are doing to your marriage and return to love and intimacy.

 Frequently Asked Questions

Q What is the difference between your approach and other marriage counseling approaches?

A Emotionally Focused Therapy EFT, is the couples therapy with the most empirical evidence that it works, twice as effective as skills based counseling for bringing couples together. Using EFT I can teach you and your spouse how to build lasting intimacy.  It creates so much more than better communication skills.  It works by helping your partner safely understand your deepest desires and feelings.  It is one of the few forms of counseling that helps renew feelings of love and connection with couples and families.  With EFT I can provide you with the best possible route to healing.

Other approaches outside of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) include  long drawn out childhood based therapy; Divorce is usually the solution; No clear approach to regaining love and intimacy.

Q What is intimacy anyway? 

A Intimacy (in-to-me-see), quite literally is created when two people hear and see one another’s innermost feelings and thoughts.

Q Shouldn’t feeling close and intimate just come naturally?

A It used to happen so easily and naturally, without a thought or effort.  Though you have tried to improve things they have just gotten worse.  Often we hurt each other unintentionally while trying to get our spouse to understand us.  I often hear clients say things such as “I feel run over when you talk to me like that.”  Or “I feel so alone when you refuse to talk to me about us.”  When we get caught in these painful places intimacy can be very difficult to achieve without help.

Q  Shouldn’t we able to fix our marriage on our own?

A Often we don’t have the tools we need to dig us out of the hole.  Marriage 101 is not taught in school.   Instead we are home schooled by out parent’s relationship.   Love is an instinct, how to behave in a marriage is learned.  Typically our parent’s marriage was not the loving, intimate relationship that we desire.  It sounds odd, but we all learn what we know about marriage and love from our parents.  When you think about it, it makes sense.  Where else would we learn about life, love, values and yes marriage.  I’m here to make sure you get the tools you need.

So far I have given you the details you need in order to feel comfortable enough to make a decision if working with me feels right for you.
If at this time it feels like my approach feels like a match. please contact me at either of these two options:

1. Set up a phone session with me by calling 248-752-1201
2. Set up a session in my Novi or Bloomfield Hills office.
   Thank you, Deborah Grossi LPC